Just a totally normal Interview with Andrew Beck about his participation in the production of Deathtrap.
(Interviewer normal font, Andrew’s response in BOLD)
Thank you for joining us today, Andy! It’s a pleasure to be here…Goodness, that’s quite a coffee you have there.
Well, as they say you only live once! How true…how…very…true.
Who am are you playing in Deathtrap? Clifford Anderson, of course.
Who’s that? He is a human capable of speech and thought.
Would you care to elaborate? Um…he has a head…a spine…some skin…if I were to describe his disposition I would call it…NOPE! I’m sorry, I cannot tell you. It would color how you watched the show and I don’t want to ruin the surprises. Thus, I will leave Clifford as he is in your mind now: beige.
Did you know Christopher Reeve played Clifford Anderson? Are you aware that there are much more famous, successful and handsomer people in your line of work as well!?
That was harsh. Sorry, I just don’t like a know-it-all.
Is this Andrew or Clifford saying that? Yes.
So, both? Maybe.
Are you being glib? Are you being a dishwasher?
What does that mean? It means you are the least exciting thing in any kitchen.
Okay… Is it, Smartguy?
So, where is the play set? IN YOUR MOM’s HOUSE!
Um, I don’t think that this is productive interview anymore. It doesn’t have to be…because I was only being glib TO DISTRACT YOU FROM THE POISON I PUT IN YOUR RIDICULOUS COFFEE DRINK!
Why on earth would you poison me!? Because your face is God’s greatest failure.
Now you are just being hurtful! Now YOU are just being almost dead!
…Actually, no. NO!?
I haven’t had any coffee today, my Trenta, half-whip Macchiato with two extra shots and a pump of orange and vanilla with a whiff of cinnamon was just an overly complicated ruse! A red herring?!
Indeed! Well played, it appears you are both a middling interviewer AND a cleaver adversary.
Your compliments are welcomed but unnecessary. Why so?
Because MY plan has already come to fruition! What plan?
You know that chair you are sitting in. Yeah…
It is covered in chewing gum! You got gum on my pants?
I know…isn’t it delightful?! It’s mostly just inconvenient…and confusing.
MWHAHAHAHAHA! I’m confused as to why you did that.
Some people just want to see the world burn. You know I tried to kill you, right?
Listen, Gumbutt, one person in this room is batting 1.000 and the other one’s keister smells of Wint-o-Green. Awww, man. But who chews Wint-o-Green flavor gum anymore?
Psychopath’s willing to toil for years at middling level jobs at rural newspapers in order to concoct an intricate plan in order to gain sweet revenge upon adversaries whom treated them poorly during 7th grade Trig class. Is your name Timothy Swellington?
Why, YES! It IS, ANDREW! *the sound of Timothy Swellington’s chair exploding*
Et tu, Andy *gurgle and dies*. While some of us remember 7th grade Math, some of us remembered the time you shortened my name to Andy and thought that it was acceptable. Interview over, Timmy boy. Criss Cross.
For more twists and turns, please join us beginning October 4th at the Vault Theatre!