Ascending the Humble Hills of Immortality: A treatise on Acting, Life, and the Beckian way.
And there it was.
After all of my years of toiling away in the humble salt mines of the theatrical world. All my hissyfits, all my pains, all my generally immature and self-important behavior had led to this moment. There it sat on the page bapping my eyeball cones and almost begging me to lose my finely cultivated veneer of distant, cool aloofness which I have accrued over the course of my uniquely, exemplary life. I blinked again, but no, it twas not a great theatrical gag teasing my easily expanded ego into explosively expanding exploit. There it sat on the page, barking at me like the hounds of opportunity:
Andrew Beck as Actor 3
Now, I am not one to whom opportunity has not been levied upon over the course of my vaunted theatrical carrier…I mean, you are reading the words of a man who has played the role of Trigiorin in the Seagull AND a Seagull. (I wore a little visor and ate small cookies, it literally changed the lives of thousands on California’s central coast. People wept. WEPT.)
Now as an actor when you are given the opportunity to play a role like:
Andrew Beck as Actor 3
Instantly a bevy of thoughts raced through my mind:
…Should I continue eating these Swedish fish?
…Didn’t I buy a steak at the store? There’s no steak in my fridge…did I eat my steak and forget about it?
…why does my cat look about a porterhouse heavier than a couple of days ago?
I pushed it all aside. A true professional’s job is to whittle through all the brain’s chaff that is thus presented and winnow it down to what really matters.
As I threshed my precious brain matter one, and one thought alone, awkwardly bobbed to the top of the bubbly hot tub that is my brain pan:
What if Actor 3 was Dutch?
Now, I am not an actor who entertains these sorts of bold character choices lightly. Having once been reviewed as “performing one of the single most offensive Dutch stereotypes I have ever seen!” I knew I had set the bar for this particular type of character fairly high and it would take an effort of Fosberrian proportions for me to o’rcome it.
Do I have it in me?! Dutch or no, can I make “Actor 3” a character that will live on through all times and be spoken of in the same hush’ed tones as the master roles of Booth, Garrick and even (Keanu) Reeves?
I mean… probably.
Please come see us this November and December and watch our equally unique and hilarious version of a Christmas Carol…come on…it’s Christmas! What else have you all got to do?
Here lies a chart that scientifically explains the historical importance of Actor #3’s compared to other actors throughout the entire history of theatre.